8. Mindfulness of Emotions

Today’s exploration is on the mindfulness of emotions.

So why is this emotions important to bring mindfulness to? Just like thoughts, emotions themselves are neither good nor bad. They are signals. Signals informing us of what is going on in our system and surroundings. Emotions are also powerful, able to create realities that may or may not be healthy for our lives. Either trying to hold onto, or avoiding emotions can create suffering. Suffering is something that often arises unconsciously.

One way of looking at suffering I very much enjoy is this formula. Suffering = pain x resistance or worry. Pain, whether physical, or emotional, is quite an inevitable part of life. Pain comes and goes. Suffering is the tightening around the pain, worrying and resisting circumstances usually outside of our control. What makes matter even more challenging is that suffering could create a narrowing of our perspective, amplifying the suffering, and perpetuate a negative cycle.

In case suffering as a word may sound heavy or unrelatable, perhaps the feeling of everyday dissatisfactions may be more easily accessible. These dissatisfactions are mild forms of sufferings, like how the barista didn’t make my morning drink the way I requested, the train doors closed seconds before I ran up the stairs, my performance review at work wasn’t as glowing as I had hoped, etc etc. There are so many possible scenarios for dissatisfactions to crop up. Often times, how we react to suffering or dissatisfactions are unconscious reactions, they’re the templated responses we learned over the years to protect us from potential harm. The practice of mindfulness shines a light on the constricting patterns of suffering, and can help us see reality with increasing clarify.

But what about the good emotions? Like excitement and happiness? Just like pain, good emotions arise, and pass, they are equally impermanent. About a year ago, I went home to attend my grandpa’s funeral. As somber as the occasion could be, it was also a joyous one. Because I got to spend some time with my young cousins whom I haven’t seen in over 10 years. They were still small kids the last time I saw them, and now they were headed off to college. I had a lovely time with my family over those few days. We cried together, and laughed together. We laughed so hard sometimes I was crying involuntarily. And then it was time for them to go. A part of me wished this moment wouldn’t end. I liked this rare opportunity of a familial connection. However, I soon found that as the door closed behind my cousins as they headed to the airport, I was left in a quiet house, alone with my mom. I remembered how I used to dread those good byes, wished these good times will last forever. And when the good byes inevitably happened, I’d be grumpy and moody for days on-end, feeling sad that the reason for my joy has now faded. This time, I found myself in the quietness of the house, recognizing both the joy of having spent quality time with my family, and the tinge of sadness around our separation. I felt, and observed these feelings, as they arose, peaked, and faded, arose, peaked, and faded. Recognizing that yes it was wonderful that we were together, and yes, it is also the case that now everyone has gone back to their respective lives.

But what if it’s super hard for me to feel anything? What if all I experience is just, nothing? I recently came across a very profound way of looking at emotions. Which is, no matter where we find ourselves, and what state of mind we are in, we are always experiencing some type of emotion. It’s just that usually they’re not being noticed unless they’re in an acute state. That feeling of nothingness is something in itself. If we were to dig just a bit under the surface of that “nothingness”, what might we actually notice?

I’m imagining the intensity of emotions on a sliding scale, let’s say -5 represents deep anguish, and sadness, and + 5 represents extreme excitement, or happiness. -5 and +5 are probably easy to recognize, however there are 9 more degrees of emotions in between that are probably harder to distinguish or even notice if we’re not practiced in recognizing them.

Let’s stay with this ambiguous middle for a second. Often times, if we were to stay with the emotions that we notice, no matter how subtle, or allow ourselves to just be and observe, we might notice even subtler emotions arising. May it be a subtle tinge of dissatisfaction with life, or a gentle contentment. Staying with these emotions and allowing them to take their natural course could give us profound insights to ourselves and minds, at the same time, allowing us to practice how to be with these emotions wisely, and therefore, live wisely too.

When we put these concepts into practice in meditation, we may encounter 5 classical challenges called hinderances to the clarity of being.

First is grasping, which is wanting, clinging, greed, wanting more or something different from what is present right now

Second is aversion, which is fear, anger, hate, any form of avoiding, or pushing away.

Third is restlessness, which is agitation, and the energy of jumpiness

Fourth is sloth or torpor, which is sleepiness, and a sinking state of mind and body

Lastly is doubt, which is the mind state that says “this is useless, it’ll never work, I can’t do this, I’ll never be able to, maybe there’s an easier way.”

These are universal body-mind energies experienced by all humans. It’s easy to get caught in them if our experiences with them have been unconscious and unaware. In other words, they arise automatically within us and we are nontheless wiser that they’re present. When we are caught in these hinderances, they make it difficult to see with wisdom and clarity. That being said, they themselves are not “problems”. these energies become “hinderances” when our conditioned habit is to be identified with them, or ignore, resist, judge, or try to control them. When met with mindfulness, openness, and care though, these same energies become profound gateways to learning, increased aliveness, and wisdom.

During your practice, if you encounter one of these challenging energies, it may be useful to silently name it to yourself, like, “anger, anger”, “fear, fear” “agitation, agitation”, If the emotion is strong, rather than pulling away, gently let your intention be to bring your full attention to what is arising. Observe the emotion, as you feel what is happening as sensations in your body, neither getting lost in the experience nor pushing it away, rest in Natural Presence.

Clarity transcends the labels of good or bad. Not only is the practice to let loose of our identification with suffering, it is also a practice of recognizing whenever we might be grasping onto pleasurable sensations. As all experiences are transient, the action of trying to hold onto what seems pleasurable that is constantly changing and morphing becomes suffering as well.

When I visited my parents last time, I couldn’t help but to notice I was falling into some habitual reactive loops. One day I was sitting at the dinner table with my parents. As I listened to my dad’s seemingly incessant talk about work, I felt some strong emotions arise within me. It took some time to recognize them. Instead of my regular furrowed brow and oppositional reactions, I tried to name what I was feeling silently to myself. “anger, anger”, then immediately, there was “annoyance, annoyance.” oh, and there was “sadness, sadness”, and “longing longing”. I did not know there was much more buried underneath this habitual reaction I’ve developed over the years. What was remarkable was that as I stayed with each emotion, they became porous, transparent, morphed into something else, and dissipated. Instead of my reactive remarks, I found myself feeling much calmer and recognized the reactivity was a manifestation of some deeply held desires to deeply connect with my parents. This is not to say that my relationship with my parents miraculously shifted after one moment of recognition. As with anything, change takes intention, time and effort. this moment of recognition was a great glimpse into a deeper level of reality, and shining a light on what was previously obscure within my unconscious mind.

If the energy is feeling too strong, and it’s not wise or compassionate to try to stay present with it. It might be helpful to shift your attention to something that brings a sense of balance, safety, and or love. You might open your eyes, remind yourself of where you are, and ground into your presence. Listen to the sounds around you, and relax again through your body. You might want to bring to mind someone who loves and understands you, and sense their care surrounding you. This could be any loved one, spiritual figure, pet, or even nature. Meditate on any expression of loving presence that helps you feel less separate or afraid.

If you find any of these difficult emotions regularly overwhelms you, you might ask a teacher or therapist familiar with meditation to accompany you as you learn to navigate what feels most intense.

If you’d like to join me, I’d like to invite you for a short meditation on the mindfulness of emotions.

## Meditation

Finding a position where you can be both alert and at ease, whether seated, or in any other positions that are available to you. Whichever position you choose to settle into, see if it allows you to keep your spine straight while relaxed.

Gently closing your eyes or keeping them softly downcast, whichever feels most comfortable right now.

[pause]

Taking a few deep grounding breaths. And whenever you’re ready, allowing the breath to flow back to its natural rhythm.

Bringing your attention to the top of your head, and notice what sensations you notice there. Slowly bring your attention downwards to the eyes, ears, nose, mouth, jaws. Do you notice any obvious areas of tension? If so, feel free to release them.

Slowly scanning downwards, to your shoulders, arms, wrists, hands, all the way down to the finger tips. Do you notice any obvious areas of tension? If so, feel free to gently release them.

Now bringing the attention to the chest and back, the stomach area, and belly. Do you notice any tensions here? If so, feel free to gently release them.

Scanning the lower back, hips, the pelvic area, down the thighs, knees, lower legs, feet, and the toes. Releasing any tension along the way if they were to arise.

[long pause]

Now gently bringing your attention back to your breath. Observe the sensations of the inhale and exhale. Notice the quality of your breath, where you feel it most in your body.

[long pause]

Where is your attention now? Do you notice any emotions arising in your awareness? If so, feel free to gently recognize their presence. What do they feel like? What sensations might you be feeling in your body as these emotions arise?

[pause]

You might find it helpful to gently name the emotions that are arising, like “restless”, “restless”, or “agitated, agitated”, or “excited, excited”.

[long pause]

If no emotions are arising, or it’s difficult to name anything, that’s also perfect well. Simply holding this recognition in loving awareness.

[long pause]

In case you’re feeling intense emotions or pain, notice if there are any attempts to push any of these negative feelings away. Notice any desires to pull away, or to do something about these feelings. Notice whether any sensations are arising in the body as these feelings are arising.

If the unpleasantness feel tolerable, let your intention to remain present. Perhaps silently whisper to yourself “It’s ok”, “you belong”, “this too.” anything that is a message of allowing. Allowing the unpleasant sensations to be as they are, holding them with openness and gentleness.

[pause]

What do you notice now? Sense if there’s a change to these feelings. More intensity? Less intensity? If appropriate, you might want to deepen your attention right to the centre of where you feel the most intensity. See if naming is helpful. Offering some words that might describe what your feeling, then feel deeply into it, “is that it?” continue to notice how the experience
[pause]

If you find the feelings intolerable, gently ground yourself into the present in whichever way you find most helpful. Opening the eyes to remind yourself where you are; reminding yourself you’re right here, right now; or bringing your attention back to the breath; or bring to mind someone who bring you a sense of love and care. Do whatever you need to come back to your centre.

You might explore going back and forth into where it feels unpleasant. sensing if it’s appropriate to gently ease a bit into the unpleasantness, and then back again.

[pause]

What are you noticing about the nature of these emotions? As you continue to observe the emotions, how do they change with time?

[pause]

In the last minute or so, letting the body become like open space, with plenty of room for any sensations to arise and fade, or intensity and then dissolve, to move and to change. Dissolving tensions, and dissolving desires of holding onto, simply letting be. letting this space be infused with wakefulness, and awareness. Inhabiting a sea of awareness, while letting sensations, whether pleasant or unpleasant, to float, unfold, and move in an accepting openness.