2. Mindfulness of Body

Welcome friend. I'm Lin Cassie Zhen, and thank you for joining me on Being Awareness where we explore mindfulness, meditation, and self-awareness.

Today's exploration is a mindfulness of the body and we'll anchor today's exploration through a practice of bringing awareness to bodily sensations.

Our relationships with our bodies can be complicated. On one hand, we experience everyday lives through the body. On the other hand, we're replacing increasingly more prominence on the intellect as a society, perhaps creating a separation between the body and mind. We may be forgetting what it's like to really embody experiences. In other words, feeling each moment with our whole being body and mind.

Now, here's a personal story. For seven years I taught a fitness bootcamp. I lived and breathed physical training. On the surface, I seem to have a good connection with my body. However, the truth was that I used exercise as a coping mechanism to distract myself from dissatisfaction, so I felt to toward my body. Underneath the adrenaline and endorphines released by intense exercise, there was a sense of comparison and sometimes anger and resentment. Whenever my body didn't perform according to how I wanted it to, I felt somehow inferior and had internal dialogues of shame in order to push my body to work harder.

At one point, an inner voice encouraged me to slow down and take care of myself. But I wasn't yet ready to let go of my mentality surrounding becoming faster, stronger, and better. I was caught in a continuous sprint running toward this ever elusive goal of becoming ever better, and yet running away from the feeling of not being good enough. And not really understanding that as long as I kept on running on these same tracks, the start and finish lines are exactly the same places.

Of course, none of this is to diminish the importance of physical training. Physical training in itself is neutral. What I'm getting at is the connection between the mind and body. About how emotions and beliefs may be shaping the way we act in and toward our bodies.

Now back to the story then. At the beginning of 2020, I was forced to stop all physical activities due to a knee injury, and during my forced slowdown, I started to pay attention to what my body was telling me. By noticing the sensations I was feeling in every movement. And from there I started practicing yin yoga and intuitive dance movements, which helped me to recognize the chronic tension I held in my body, especially in my spine, which was brought upon by the stress of my fitness regime over years. Up to this point, what I started to understand was the relationship between my mind and body. About how my beliefs, such as I'm not good enough, or emotions such as shame or anger manifested into actions such as intense training, and eventually into outcome, which was a body that was strong in certain areas, yet tight and breaking at seams in others. With this understanding, I started to slowly shift from a negative relationship toward a positive relationship between my mind and body.

But I didn't start to understand just how deep this relationship between mind and body can go until my first silent meditation retreat. Earlier this year, I went for a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat. And during the retreat, we practiced bringing awareness to the breath and bodily sensations on a daily basis. By day four of paying attention to my bodily sensations, I started experiencing intense releases in my spine in those exact areas where I was holding chronic tension and immobility. And along with these physical releases, I also experienced intense emotions. There was anger, resentment, and feelings of avoidance, just to name a few. I started to put one and one together and realized that there was a close link between the emotions and bodily sensations I was feeling, and by allowing myself to feel these sensations in the body. I was also allowing myself the space to release any emotions that were associated with these sensations.

All of this is not to say that practicing mindfulness of the body is a miraculous cure for physical ailments. Rather, the practice is to recognize that no matter what sensations are present in the body, they all follow the same pattern. They arise, pass away, arise and pass away. There are layers upon layers of sensations and emotions on top each other all the time intertwined, and they all too arise and pass away. It's to recognize the true nature of reality, of its constant rising and passing. And by recognizing this reality of the constant rising and passing, we come to respect the intelligence of our bodies and their teachings.

I like to share a quote by the lovely teacher, Pema Chödrön. She writes, "It's helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that's sitting here right now with its aches and its pleasures is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive."

Checking in with your body now. What is it doing? What are you sensing and what do you notice? Just spending a moment, being with it and allowing for anything that might arise.

We will now be practicing an eight minute guided meditation on the mindfulness of the body. If you'd like to continue with this practice, feel free to settle into a comfortable position, where you're both relaxed and alert.

Keeping your eyes closed or downcast, whichever feels most comfortable right now, you might take a few very full breaths and then allow your breathing to be natural.

Bringing your attention to where you most easily detect the breath or perhaps where it's most pleasurable. Letting this place of experiencing the breath be your home base and anchor to the present moment. Noticing this breath right here.

If the breath is not a good home base for you, you might instead anchor your attention in the sensations of your hands or the sensations of your whole body sitting here.

Now with a relaxed, interested attention, discovering what the sensations of the breath or your chosen anchor feels like from moment to moment.

Where is your attention now? Each time you notice that your mind has wandered off is a moment of mindfulness. Gently bring your attention back to the inflow and outflow of the breath or your chosen anchor offering a relaxed wakeful presence.

Now bring your attention to your body and notice if any particular sensations are strong and calling your attention. If so, allowing the breath or your home base to recede into the background and bringing an interested, kind presence to the sensations. What do they feel like?

To some, you may notice very strong sensations in the body, and for some others you could feel like it's hard to detect any sensations at all. Whatever sensations you may be noticing. You are not noticing. Gently ask, "can I be with this?"

Unless you fully attend to them. Do they become more intense or dissipate? Notice how they change. And when the sensations are no longer a strong experience, returning to mindfulness of breathing or your chosen anchor.

If you find it difficult to sense anything in the body, you might keep on breathing. While continuously bringing your kind attention, scanning through the body,

If you notice strong sensations and find it difficult to stay with them. You might breathe with them. And letting the breath help you find some balance and openness in the midst. It can also be helpful to name the sensations, seeing if there's a word that describes your experience. Heat? Pressure? Tingling? There's no need to strain or finding the right word to describe what you're feeling. Notice that words arise in awareness and mentally repeat it to yourself in a soft tone. Letting the naming be soft in the background, maybe taking up 5% of your attention. With 95% of your tension on the actual experience,

Now returning to your home base, the breath or anchor of particular sensations, offering a calm, steady attention.

If during this last minute or so strong sensations are calling your attention, letting your primary anchor recede and bringing a full attention again to what's arising, naming what you notice and offering your presence. If nothing strong is calling your attention, continuing to rest with your home base, relaxed and alert.

Sensing the breath in the foreground, still aware of the field of sensations in the background, you're learning to be centered, balanced, and present for the breath and the living world of sensations. Wisely aware of this changing life.

When you're ready, gently flutter open the eyes and notice the space immediately surrounding you. Gently and slowly, gradually expand your awareness and notice the larger space.

Thank you for practicing the mindfulness of the body with me today. Before we go back to our everyday activities, I'd like to leave you with an inquiry. What was it like to pay attention to the sensations of the body? What was easily accessible and what wasn't? And finally, How might we bring the practice of bringing mindfulness to the sensation of the body into an everyday activity?

I look forward to practicing with you next time. May you be well.