0. Why am I doing this?

Welcome, friend! I'm Lin Cassie Zhen, and thank you for joining me on Being Awareness, where we explore mindfulness, meditation, and self-awareness.

In this first episode, I'd like to share a bit about why I'm doing this. Not long ago, I was chasing an idea of a life that I thought would make me happy. This meant climbing the career ladder, earning increasingly high salaries and titles, accumulating physical possessions, and constantly being in romantic relationships. However, there was always a sense of melancholy, loneliness, and anxiety in the background.

In the summer of 2019, a series of events forced me to face some of the deepest, darkest, and forgotten parts of myself. This led me on a winding journey, where I dove into the shadows and slowly embraced the unknown recesses of my psyche. Along the way, I started to see my thought patterns, behavior patterns, and beliefs with increasing clarity. I slowly started to understand that how I had been living my entire life was an attempt to fulfill a deep internal need that no external validations could truly fulfill. I realized that my fear of not knowing the purpose of my life pushed me to spend most of my waking hours thinking about work, and my fear of not being good enough drove me to almost obsessive behavior in trying to force romantic interests to like me. I was caught in these negative loops, which repeated themselves over and over again. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in the name of survival. I tuned out my own inner voice and wisdom. Eventually, when my circumstances improved and I didn't need to survive any longer, I was so conditioned to think and behave in this way that I continued these survivalist behaviors without understanding that life could be so different.

As I started to see myself with increasing clarity, I began dissolving some of my most fundamental limiting beliefs and behavioral patterns. It was a long and treacherous journey, but eventually I started to see this work not as a chore, but rather a liberating way of being. I finally started to understand that I was responsible for my choices and decisions. I started to live according to my principles. I also noticed that the melancholy, loneliness, and anxiety I had felt for the majority of my life gradually lessened and faded away. And in their place was now an ever expanding peaceful open awareness. By the end of 2021, I found myself emerging from this journey feeling quite different than when I started. I wouldn't say I became a different person, but rather I feel I learned to shed heavy layers of conditioning and found my way back to my true self.

My entire world has shifted. Now experiencing the world with a fresh perspective, I started to remove activities that didn’t align with how I am now. I realized one of the last activities that took up most of my time and energy that wasn’t in alignment was my job. By the end of 2022, I was ready to take that leap of faith, so I intentionally left my comfortable job with nothing lined up, to allow the next chapters to unfold organically.

So what now? I now realize in hindsight that I had been practicing mindfulness throughout my entire personal journey. The practice of mindfulness has changed my life. I'm now embarking on a two-year-long mindfulness meditation teacher training to deepen my own practice and bring a different perspective to my understanding of mindfulness. I’d like to share my learnings and personal experiences with you here on this podcast. If it resonates with you, please feel free to follow along.

As this is a learning journey, the format of the podcast may evolve over time, but the intention will remain the same. Please excuse any blunders along the way as I learn, and I welcome any feedback you may have for me.

I look forward to this mindful journey with you, as we explore the depths of our minds and hearts while embracing inner peace and joy.